Sunday, November 22, 2009

NaNoWriMo Word Count Update #6

I had a good laugh at my horoscope today...whether or not it's true, it was very appropriate given my recent issues with my novel:

"Just because you are making plans for what's ahead doesn't mean you are eager today to look too far into your future. You may have thought that you were actually close to reaching an important goal, yet now you can see that you still have some distance to go. But there's no use wasting energy on disappointment or frustration. Get busy and revise your calendar to set yourself up for success."
Ok, Universe, I'm listening! As of right now, my word count is 24,518.  I am just shy of the halfway mark and I have 8.5 days left to get to 50,000!  As it gets closer and closer to the end date, I find myself falling farther and farther behind, wondering how I will ever catch up and feeling even more overwhelmed because my word count is so far below where I projected it be.

The issue I've been struggling with has been the same one I've struggled with for years--namely, every time I think I'm onto something good, I get a significant way through it and then so strongly think it's crap that I give up before I even give it a chance.  I kid you not, I've got at least twenty summaries and proposals laying around of various story lines that I started but never finished.  So why did I bring this torture on myself?  Because writing has been such a strong calling for me, ever since I was a kid and made up stories for me and my brothers to act out, and I believe that if I don't at least use this as a vehicle and motivation to finish a story, I may never find out what I can do.  Not only that, but what kind of example do I set to my daughter if I have a dream but don't give it the chance it deserves?  I gave up on acting and singing and I deeply regret those choices.  I know you shouldn't live your life with regret, but maybe we should sometimes; it just might the inspiration to make a positive change in our lives, that bar by which we set everything else! 

I am not going to live the rest of the my life wondering where this might have gone.  It's been hard, and at this point, it will take a miracle to come up with the other 25,482 words, but I think I can at least come close.  And if I get that far, then who's to say I can't get further on something else?  Maybe I really DO have that great American novel locked up inside my head waiting to come out.

To the voices of self-doubt in my head, I laugh at thee and show you a big metaphorical middle finger...just WATCH me succeed!

Determinedly yours,

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