Monday, July 20, 2009

Today is a brand new day...

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Oliver Wendell Holmes

I saw this quote this morning in an email newsletter I receive and I just had to shake my head and smile ruefully when I saw it. It was appropriate given the circumstances of the last 24 hours. I felt really low last night after seeing pictures of myself and my best friend from college and opening my electric bill. But today is a brand new day.

Kellie had told me before that she'd found some pictures on a CD from a few years ago and when we looked at them yesterday, I just had to cringe. Kellie and I used to be able to share the same size shirts and some pairs of pants (unfortunately shoes could never enter the picture, I'm an 8 and she's a 6). Four kids and five years later, neither one of us can share anything and we can't fit into our wedding dresses. I know that a lot of women can't fit into their wedding dresses after having babies and I am OK with that. What I ma not OK with is the pain in my right knee, the double digit number on my pants label, my dwindling wardrobe, and the increasing triple digits on my bathroom scale. So we made a pact yesterday: every weekday night at 8 pm we are going to workout together, no excuses. Our husbands already do it at 5 am, and while I don't think 8 pm is the best time for anyone to be working out, it's all we have. But today is a brand new day.

On top of dreading my mile walk with Kellie this evening, we opened our electric bill to find almost $400 in charges. Granted, $150 of that was actually paid, but the bill was printed before that got reflected in the figures. We've been very vigilant about trying to turn off lights, make the most of daylight, turn up the thermostat before we leave and unplug appliances when not in use. But that bill is yet another reminder of just how desperate our situation is becoming and that we've already done as much as fiscally possible to cut our costs and bring in additional income. It just doesn't seem to be enough. But today is a brand new day.

I cried myself to sleep last night thinking that it was hopeless and that I had no idea how we were going to get out of this mess and get back on track. I prayed like I've never prayed before and I realized something as I fell asleep: 1) that no one was to blame but us and 2) I'm a victim only if I choose to be. And something changed within me last night. Sybilla never woke up once nor did she crawl into bed with us this morning. I woke up on time and despite crazy dreams and occasionally waking up after them, I felt refreshed and renewed this morning. I got to work on time and I got right down to business. Today is a brand new day.

I still have no idea how we'll get through this, but my strength is renewed and my faith in my abilities restored. I can lose the extra 30 pounds I'm carrying. We will find a way to bring in more income and cut our expenses further. We will find a way to live our lives and not just survive from day to day. TODAY IS A BRAND NEW DAY.

Hopefully,
Kelly & the Gang

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