Saturday, July 18, 2009

Declaration of War

I am now on my second cup of coffee and pissed off at the prospect of having to purchase a new iron.

Billa and I are going to her godsister's first birthday party this morning and I had decided a couple of days ago that I would wear a sweet little floral top I got from Michael's stepmom. I wore this top on my birthday and the only reason I have not worn it since is because I hate ironing and haven't found the time to iron the front placket that goes behind the buttons. So I told myself I'd finally belly up to the bar and do it.

I set the iron to steam and went to put on my makeup, giving it time to heat up. After about 10 minutes I went to start ironing. But no steam was coming out. In fact, it didn't feel hot at all. That's odd, I thought. I checked the plug. Still plugged in. I checked the water level. Still had water. I tried again and that's when I noticed the tiny little black ants crawling out of the water reservoir. What the...?

I took the iron into the bathroom where there's better light and sure enough, they are crawling like crazy out of my iron and even worse, the water has a couple of floaties which weren't visible in the bedroom light. I turn the iron upside to shake out the water and to my shock and disgust, THOUSANDS of little black ant bodies fall out in clumps from my iron. Not only am I throughly grossed out, but now my bloody iron is dead because it is chock full of colony!

I spent 15 minutes pouring water in and out until I started seeing tiny transparent golden lumps which turned out to be larvae. Apparently I had found the Mother Ship of the little black ants. It makes me shudder right now to think about the stages of growth that have been happening inside of our iron for the past couple of months. It riles me to think that my birthday party attire now has to rethought. And it really pisses me off that I am now going to have to buy a new iron and an airtight lockbox to store it in. This means war!!!

We've tried grits and citrus oil as natural means to ward off the ants, but their activities have increased in the last few days. They've turned up in odd places, like Billa's bed and of course, the iron. I have now come to terms with the fact that I will have to stuff my hippie ideals into a drawer temporarily so as to rid my home of this plague. I'm going to have to get the apartment people to find me an exterminator ASAP because I don't know how much longer I can go wondering what other items in my home are hiding more colonies of destruction.

But in the meantime, I need to find something else to wear and get another cup of coffee to calm down.


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