Thursday, April 23, 2009

Besides which, you see, I have (no) confidence in me

I saw this quote on my iGoogle homepage and it made me snicker:

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
- Sean O'Casey

It's truly funny because right now I am definitely desperately unrehearsed. I made the idiot decision to audition for the Zilker Musical a few weeks ago and at the time I thought, 'Why the hell not? It'll be fun! If I make it, awesome. If I don't, no big deal.' Well, apparently it is a bigger deal than I thought.

I put off rehearsing and practicing my piece for two reasons: 1) I had no clue what I would sing and 2) I didn't think that I'd ever get a spot to audition. The producers took so long in responding that I thought they lost my email. And OF COURSE I didn't follow up, so now I am wholly and totally unprepared and kicking myself for making such a dumb move.

Really, this wouldn't be so bad if I were still singing on a regular basis, but I haven't had lessons in a couple of years and beyond what I sing to my daughter every night, I am WAAAAAY out of practice. Kellie told me I should sing "I Have Confidence" from the Sound of Music, which is in my range and a good fit. It's also wildly funny in that I am singing about having confidence and yet, I really have none. Although, Maria didn't really either when she went to be nanny for the Captain's 7 kids. So maybe it is more of a perfect fit than I thought.

Still, I'm only allowed 16 bars and there's really not enough in the song to showcase my talent, but I ain't got time to learn something new! I thumbed through my songbooks to look at stuff I've sung in the past, but the closest I could get to something else that I could manageably pass off would be "Simple Little Things" from 110 in the Shade. I really wish I hadn't watched those YouTube videos of Audra MacDonald singing both songs. That woman is freaking AH-MAZE-ING. She was what I had hoped to be someday, but then I gave that dream up.

I guess what really makes Sean O'Casey's quote hit home is that again, I am painfully reminded of the fact that I am not making myself a priority. I let certain dreams slip by (not that I'd trade my husband or my daughter for ANYTHING) and I am continually finding myself in the background and on third string. By not taking myself seriously enough, I risk making myself the William Hung of Austin. Ok, maybe not that bad, but that's what it feels like! My health is suffering and my weight is creeping up and I'm tired of wearing the same damn clothes every week and being tired! I really want to be successful and happy and I have got to get my butt in gear and do something about it or else I risk even more: seeing my daughter be just like her mom.

I'm going to go through with the audition and I'm going to pray and practice my butt off for the next 36 hours and hope that it's passable. If I don't make the cut, no big deal. And if I do...weel, I'll breath a sigh of relief and go for a walk.

Fingers crossed,

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