It's been a roller coaster around here lately. Our life seems to be composed of nothing but waiting.
Waiting to see if I get promoted to PM and if we'll be relocated to Atlanta. Waiting for Borders to close and see what job prospects Michael has. Waiting for upcoming events and parties to occur. Waiting for old wounds to heal.
We're stuck in limbo and it's driving me crazy. I've been praying for patience, but I'm failing miserably at it. I'm sure there's a lesson somewhere in all of this about enjoying each step of the journey blah blah blah.
Meanwhile, back in reality, I'm trying to keep myself occupied by writing, spring cleaning the house, reading, and being social with people. I've really enjoyed visiting with friends and family lately, something that we hadn't been able to do for a couple of months since the liquidators at Borders kept scheduling Michael for closing shifts.
Currently, I'm on a mission to declutter the apartment. It feels heavy in here most days, and I think it's because of the crap we have. We haven't really deep-cleaned in some time and we've been accumulating more stuff: the rest of Michael's things from when we were separated, books bought on clearance at Borders, toys and clothes from Christmas and Billa's birthday, and more. I can't function and focus in clutter. I think getting rid of a lot of things will help us to calm down, relax, and maybe allow some positivity and good energy into our lives.
The process is made harder not by getting rid of things, but because we find things that cause old hurts to bite all over again. We weren't very organized during our separation, so it's hard to know what you'll find in a box or a bag. I wish we could just chunk it all into the trash, but we have to gather receipts and other important papers for our taxes. Part of me wonders if it's more worthwhile to take the financial hit than the emotional one. Would ignorance be bliss right now?
Despite the difficulty and frustration we're experiencing, it's given us an opportunity to see firsthand just how much we've changed and what else we need to work on. We've come a long way, but there is still a long way to travel and it's hard to place faith in the process sometimes. Perhaps that's the lesson in all of this: learning how to trust openly–ourselves, each other, and God. I hope that I can move closer to that goal; I think my life would be much better for it.
I pray that we'll get answers soon. I know God will provide for us just as he always has. In the meantime, it's yet another waiting game.