Sunday, May 22, 2011

SOUND OFF: 3D Movies Suck

I love just about every movie I've ever seen, except horror flicks, because I absolutely cannot stand paying good money or wasting precious time to watch people get hacked up simply because the director and producers have some sort of sadistic streak that they are trying to play out without getting sentenced to jail.  Ick.  If I want to be scared, I'll go ride a roller coaster.  Or try rappelling off a tall tower.  At least then I'll be scared and empowered!

Michael and I celebrated our 5th anniversary by going out to dinner and the movies.  We both really wanted to see Thor, but the only showing that worked with our schedule was a 3D version.  I gotta tell you, we loved the movie.  Go see Thor.  It's fun, exciting, sweet, campy and well directed (love you Kenneth Brannagh!).  Don't see it in 3D, however.  In fact, please don't see any movie in 3D.  This is a fad that needs to die and quickly!

We've only seen one other movie in 3D (TRON, an equally amazing movie!) and when we came out of that one, I had a migraine for a day and a half.  It's bad enough that I have issues watching movies in pitch black theatres thanks to my eyes doing weird things, but having to wear plastic glasses on top of it was a nightmare.  But we soldiered on thinking that maybe it was just the dark colors of TRON that made it hard.  Nope.  It's just 3D.

Your eye naturally skims everything in lightning fast pace across everything it sees.  It's so fast, you don't realize you do it...until you see a movie in 3D.  Then, you're stuck having to fixate your vision on spot of the screen in order to see anything in focus and then you miss out on all the awesome detail that the CGI guys put together for you.  You're continually forcing yourself to stop that skimming and in turn, you not only miss the detail, you miss parts of the movie because you're too busy trying to focus on what's happening on screen. 

If you've ever worn glasses, you know that when you wear them you have a limited field of vision.  You don't really have peripheral vision, especially if you're almost legally blind like my best friend.  When you wear the 3D glasses from the theatre, you get that same field of vision.  They're supposed to be one size fits all, but these were so poorly fitting that I couldn't see big chunks of the screen thanks to the limited field of vision.  I love details in a movie and I was so bummed that I couldn't take it all in.  I'm gonna buy the dang movie when it releases on DVD anyway, but still.  First impressions mean a lot, Hollywood!

And don't get me started on the price!  We were fortunate to be using a gift card from Christmas, but even then, $30 for a pair of movie tickets moves beyond ridiculous to redonculous.  Especially when I can't even really watch the movie because my head and eyes hurt the whole time!  For $30, we could have gone to Alamo Drafthouse and had dinner, drinks and movie tickets all in one (and if you don't live in Austin, Houston, or Virginia where they have Drafthouses, my condolences).  We recently bought our first Blu-Ray, which inevitably included a 3D Blu Ray version of the movie.  We'll never be able to watch that disc unless we drop a couple grand on a 3D hi-def TV, and a few extra hundred dollars on all the components, like 3D glasses and cables and such. 

Honestly, I don't understand why 3D is such a big deal.  If you ask me, it's a huge marketing ploy and a rip off.  I don't go to the movies to necessarily see special effects (although it doesn't hurt, like with fantasy or sci-fi flicks, of course!); I go for the story and to be entertained.  If I leave a movie theatre feeling stressed, then why bother going at all.  Apparently I missed the memo that rephrased entertainment to mean "make your head and eyeballs hurt, stress you out, and make you feel guilty for spending money on something ridiculous."  If I wanted to feel guilty, I just need to feed my kid candy for dinner.  Much cheaper!  Whenever I see 3D movies, I am not entertained.  I'm just pissed off. 

Hollywood, if you're listening at all, please go back to the basics.  Our world is too full of worries and woes enough as it is.  Please do us all a favor and let us find a happy escape in your embrace!  Or at the very least, take all the extra dough made from ripping us off and donate it to charity for good causes.


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