Amidst the doom and gloom of the financial failure our economy is facing, I decided to sound off on something more humorous and closer to home, or rather, my face as the case may be. I was dinking on the internet tonight and apparently the second most hotly debated topic is PETA's latest crazy shenanigans: urging Ben and Jerry to make ice cream from breast milk. Yes, my friends, you read that right. The Peeps for Ethical Treatment of Animals wants to take my breasty bounty and make delightful creamy treats with it.
Now that you've caught your breath and gotten up off the floor from laughing so hard, I will admit, I am curious to see how ice cream made from breast milk would taste. Talk about the perfect teething product!!!!! It'd be cold, it'd be nutritious and baby would be soothed and well-fed in one!
But I would be remiss if I did not allow my inner Practical Polly to appear and point out the glaring logistical error that PETA has made, namely, where the hell do they think all of that milk will come from? I'm guessing they all hate ice cream, because how much milk do they think mommies make? From what I've heard from other moms, I am extremely blessed to produce 8-10 ounces in a 20-25 minute pumping session. It takes 7 cups of milk, or 56 ounces, to make one half gallon of ice cream in my ice cream maker. I'd have to pump 7 times minimum to get enough for one full sized container of Blue Bell. I'm soooo glad that PETA thinks it's OK to starve the babies of this country in order to save a cow from being milked. And if all the cows were freed, what would we do with them? Are cows going to become the next celebrity pet? Move over, Chihuahuas and Kinkajous of America... make way for Cows!!!! I would also venture to say that PETA members must not have breastfed their children, since they are not familiar with engorgement. A cow has to be milked otherwise they will be in some serious pain. Ask any mom who has ever breastfed--engorgement is no laughing matter!
It amazes me that this crazy organization has such a strong following. Why do we allow such crazy to be in power? (This reminds me of another similar question I have often asked, but I won't mention names) I can understand advocacy against cruelty to animals, but some of the things they consider cruelty is downright ridiculous. Dogfighting? Cruel. Drowning kittens? Sick. But milking cows? Not so much.
Now don't get your panties in a bunch and sit there and tell me that I have no idea what those poor cows go through. I know perfectly well what it feels like to be a milk cow. Every day I hook myself up to a milking machine several times to make mama juice for my kid, so you can just go and drink that tall glass of ice cold, creamy, frothy milk with those hot, fresh out of the oven, gooey chocolate chip cookies and get out of my face.
Anyway, PETA can't change 10,000 years of domestication with saran wrapped interns and pornographic ad campaigns (I'm sure there is something ironical about sex and meat in that). PETA wouldn't exist today if it weren't for our prehistoric ancestors milking a goat. I think they'd be better off changing it's name to People for the Ethical Treatment of Humans (PETH). They could definitely take their $30 million annual budget and do some serious good in this country, like feeding the homeless, green energy, or making sure schools have the money they need to better educate our children. Hell, if they wanna stick with the animal theme, then how about fighting the overpopulation of pets or financing pet schools or educating pet owners on potty etiquette!
In the meantime, I'm going to go make some mama juice and figure out how I'm going to make a mint off of breast milk ice cream for babies...Boobies 'n' cream, anyone?