Monday, June 6, 2011

Bloggety Bloggety Blog

I've been a bit of a terrible blogger lately.  I only have four followers, half of whom I question whether they really follow me or not, so I figure it's not that big of a deal.  Not that it really matters in the grand scheme of things; I would love more followers, but I guess one has to post more often (and more interesting material) in order to garner a following.  I've always marched to the beat of my own drum anyway, so forgive me if my tune is a little more chaotic than normal right now!

I have lots of pictures I need to post, but I keep finding things to distract myself with instead of working on uploading and editing them.  Work, mommyhood, playing chauffeur (having one car in our family is humbling and wonderful and frustrating all at once), more work, baking stuff, birthdays, cleaning, Pinterest, reading, work, and random nothingness.  I'm pretty good at that last one.  No matter how hard I try sometimes, I often find myself easily distracted from something that I really want to do.  Some wise person out there might say that the task in question isn't something I really want to do, but that's not it.  It's fear, really.  I don't do what I want to do, because I'm afraid of failing miserably.  Or succeeding and then failing miserably.  Blech. I've been working on that with my therapist, but I still have a long way to go.

I've been thinking lately, that I'd love to take the blog in a new direction.  I love sharing Billa stories, but with so many other mommy blogs out there, it's kind of hard to make oneself stand out.  That, of course, begs the age old question as to what the purpose of standing out will serve, but it's nice to be validated.  I'm not, by the way, looking for validation on my Billa stories or my own existence.  Ok, well maybe a little, but I don't need a blog to do it.  Besides, as entertaining as my daughter is, I'm not nearly as good at relaying the stories in written word as I am in person.  Blogging killed the live performer.

I know, I sound so cryptic.  Forgive me.  It's just one of those evenings, where everything was so nice and peaceful, and then that little niggling thought crept into my brain and tickled something there that made me introspective and thoughtful and a bit morose.  I do this a lot, actually, just not publicly on a blog.  I figure, what the hey, it doesn't matter.  I'm not running for president anytime soon.  Believe me, I'm the last person you'd want in office.  I think my efforts to change the world would be better spent speaking softly (something I'm still working on, ha!) and carrying a big stick.  Maybe I won't carry the big stick.  I never did like violence much, despite my past propensity to yell and throw things.

Pinterest has tickled my crafty creative side quite a bit lately.  I even went out and got some lumber for a project I wanted to do.  Guess where it's at?  Yep, sitting against the dining room wall.  It's not a huge complicated project, but my energy puttered out.  I got distracted.  Welcome to the story of my life right now!  Now if I could write an award winning and million copy selling book on that, I'd be made.

Speaking of books, I've been trying to read 111 books by the end of the year, but now I'm seriously doubting if that will happen.  I could cheat and read kid's books, but there's no challenge in that.  Last year would have been easy.  But with all my distractions and everything else, I am finding myself lacking in time to get anything done.  I need to really buckle down and get organized because the quiet chaos that is my life is getting kinda crazy.  Oy!

Well, I suppose I've created quite a post now.  Not much of one, but again, my four followers aren't complaining, lol.  I will resolve to try and get those pictures at least uploaded, even if I don't put them in a post.  And I'll think about the direction of the blog.  And my writing. And my life!  Yeah, definitely, all of the above.

Good night, dear friends!  May flights of angels sing thee to thy sleep!

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