Five Years

This time last year my subconscious was beginning to wonder if Michael and I would make it to today, our fifth wedding anniversary. 

Three months later, I consciously mourned the fact that I would never get to celebrate another anniversary with the man I so fiercely loved and hated all at once. 

Today, I am eternally grateful that I was given, no...that WE were given another chance to get here.  It has been a long, hard, sometimes gutwrenching and terrifying road to get here, but I am glad it happened.  I am glad I am here.  I'm glad he's here.  And I am more than glad that we are walking that road together.  Already the bumps are smoothing out and the road is becoming more pleasant!

Tonight, my mother in law will be hosting Billa for a sleepover while Michael and I go out to a fancy dinner and a movie to celebrate this momentous occasion.  I'm looking forward to spending some time with Michael without a three year old wunderkind jabbering/bouncing/swinging/screaming/climbing/asking/snuggling around us.

Tomorrow, we'll continue to take steps on our journey, hand in hand.


Here's to another five and then some!

Kelly

Who's been lazy?

Ooh, ooh–me! Me, me me!!!

Ok, to be fair, my therapist would tell me that I haven't been lazy, my energy has simply been focused elsewhere.  It's not like I was sitting on my bum doing absolutely nothing for almost two weeks.  Although if I could figure out how to do that without driving myself insane, I'd be all over that like white on rice.

Instead, my energies were diverted to my trip to Chicago for training.  Part of my recent promotion involved heading to the Windy City (well, one of it's suburbs anyway) for a whole week to edumacate myself on how my company does project management.  It was a lot of fun when I got there, but the few days leading up were kinda hectic.  Packing, worrying that the plane might drop out of the sky (I really hate flying), cleaning, making sure that Billa and Michael would be ok, worrying that I'd experience airplane ear and my head would explode, worrying that something would happen to Billa and Michael, unpacking and repacking, and more worrying.  The plane didn't fall out of the sky (duh), and Billa and Michael were fine.  I did experience one helluva case of airplane ear, but my head didn't explode.  I lost my hearing for about a day and experienced intense migraines, but that was all.  I need to find me some earplugs for next time I fly [shiver].  I did get a chance to visit with one of my relatives who live there and to visit Millennium Park for an hour or so before I flew out.  I gotta say, Chicago in the springtime is GORGEOUS! 

I also celebrated my very first 29th birthday!  Next year, I will be celebrating the first anniversary of my 29th birthday.  I spent the momentous occasion getting a mani and pedi, shopping, and eating junk food until I could burst.  And the best part was that I did it all by myself.  Not that I required assistance for these things.  Sometimes all a girl wants is some alone time, ya know?  My presents included a new case for my iPad, a super cute laptop bag for my new work computer, and the pedi/mani.  My mother in law gave me a really neat solar powered butterfly for the garden that glows at night and Michael's grandmother gave me a fun little ceramic cross that she had for years.  All in all, turning 29 for the first time felt pretty good!  Most of my friends and family were all out of town or otherwise occupado, so there is still more birthday shenanigans to be had this month, hooray!

Mother's Day was equally nice.  I baked enough to feed a small army and then had half the brunch attendees cancel on me due to some stomach bug.  Oh well.  It was a lovely morning with just us and Michael's mum.  Michael and Billa both got me jewelry; Michael gave me a long necklace made of bluish black pearls that I can wear several different ways.  I love me some versatility.  Billa gave me a pink and silver butterfly bracelet that she made at school.  She was so proud of the work her teacher she did. I totally wore it every day the week I was gone!

Now that I'm back home, I'm just kicking back a little bit before the craziness at work and with the baking sets in next week.  Michael and I will celebrate five long years this Friday and Memorial Day is coming up.  It's going to certainly be a busy rest of the month and early summer, so if I've been a little lazy, forgive me.  I'm just enjoying the calm before the storm.

Cheers!
Kelly

Billa Bubble Wrap

I finally got my laptop for work yesterday, hooray!  Nothing like getting an electric leash to make you feel so important.  Anyhoo, I didn't have a case for it, so to keep it protected on the way home from work, I wrapped in bubble wrap and put it in the box for the docking station.  Voila, ghetto laptop case!  I pulled it out when I got home to start customizing, hook it up to our wireless network, and answer some emails, when all of a sudden I heard a pop.

Pop.

Pop. Pop.

Pop, pop, pop, popopopopopopopop POP!

I turn around and Billa had spread out the bubble wrap on the floor and was dancing on it.  Talk about the best. toy. ever!

Now I know what we can do on rainy days...should we ever get some rain :o(

Happy Wednesday!
Kelly

Strawberry Pickin'

It's berry pickin' time!

With my Canadian relatives in town this past week, I took them out to Marble Falls for some strawberry picking.  We had such a fun time and came home with lots of berries.  The berries weren't as plentiful or as sweet as last year's, but we still got a good haul and had a wonderful time.  Last year Billa couldn't get enough of eating berries; this year she was content to hold the basket and tell me "thanks" every time I dropped some in.  Silly girl.

When we were done, we got some fresh strawberry lemonade (yum!) and visited the goats that live at the berry farm.  With tummies rumbling, we said goodbye to Sweet Berry Farm and headed into Marble Falls proper for some good ol' Texas home cooking at the Bluebonnet Cafe.  I gotta tell ya, my dinner and dessert stomachs were both overflowing afterwards!  We all ordered pie and I have to say, I was most jealous of my cousin's peanut butter pie.  I know what I'll be making soon!

After eating some of the berries fresh, I made some strawberry jam and pureed the rest for baking.  I'm going to use some of the jam for the angel food cake I'm making for Easter dinner with my folks.  Michael was sad he couldn't come since he had to work, but we're thinking we might hit up the farm for his birthday in June, when the blackberries are ripe.  Either way, I have quite a few strawberries I need to use!

Cheers,
Kelly

The Employment Saga Continues...

As this blog post title suggests, things are still wackadoodle with the whole job thing.  I've signed the paperwork and everything for my promotion at work, but it's still going to be a couple of weeks before they get me going on the training.  I thought they were leaning towards NOT sending me out of town for training, but it looks like maybe I was wrong.  So I still have to be prepared for traveling, but it looks like that will be at the end of the month or beginning of May, right around my birthday.  Either way, whatevs.  I'm just glad I don't have to travel next week when my family is in town to visit with my grandmother!

Michael's last day with Borders will be this Thursday.  [sigh]  I'm happy and sad at the same time.  I'm obviously sad because of the loss of his job, but things at Borders became stressful really quickly and it's like walking into a sea of doom and despair in there.  Unfortunately, customers see a liquidation and turn into total jerks.  It also sucks seeing your store trashed every day and pieces of it being carried out by people acting like vultures.  Such is the way of things, I guess. 

We are so blessed however, that an old colleague of Michael's gave him some hours at World Market.  She told him yesterday that she was able to find him some more, so starting next week, he'll be hanging around the 'Market a lot more often!  Which is dangerous, because I'm seriously jonesing for some new dishes and furniture [grin].

Michael is still looking for something more permanent though.  He's had a few interviews, but no bites yet.  I'm proud of him, nonetheless.  He's done a great job with his resume and really getting out there to sell himself.  I know how hard it is, and I don't envy him one bit.  I pray that something will come out of it all though!

It's another week and another day; we'll just continue to take one step at a time.

Cheers,
Kelly

I FINALLY got word!  It's official, I am now a project manager!  I actually received a phone call from my boss last Friday letting me know my approval went through, but I didn't get the paperwork until today.  At this point, we will be staying in Austin at least until December for sure.  The higher ups decided to put the Atlanta expansion on hold until Q4, so we wouldn't be relocating until end of 2011, early 2012, if we relocate at all.  To be honest, I'm kinda glad.  As much as I loved the idea of going somewhere new, I think I need to work up to that.  I'd really miss my family, my friends, my church, and everything Austin if we were to suddenly relocate.  At least this way, I have more time to relax, visit with family, and explore my hometown even more.  And if we never relocate, no worries!

We're still waiting for Michael's job situation to change, but he at least picked up an extra part time gig at World Market in the meantime.  Once we figure out the whole transportation thing and his job, we can then figure out the child care thing.  One thing at a time I guess! 

I'm happy that I finally have something to orient myself with.  It can be so frustrating not knowing which way to go or where you're going.  I am so grateful for this new opportunity to explore a different career path and I look forward to the challenges it will bring.  We will continue to take each day at a time, just like we have been for the last few months, and really try and listen to what the Big Man is trying to tell us.  Again, that whole lesson in faith and trust and just going with the flow.  Well, I'm listening!

Cheers,
Kelly

Still Waiting...

I had my second interview at work today for the PM position.  From what I gleaned, we will now most likely be staying in Austin.  One of the PM's that recently went on leave decided not to come back, and so her spot is open and it makes more sense to put me there (assuming they offer me the spot, of course!) than transfer me cross country.  I'm a little sad by that, because moving someplace new would have been a grand adventure, but Austin is a fantastic place and I do love it here.

I have to admit, that there is a certain amount of relief in knowing we most likely won't be moving.  I don't have to pack up all of our stuff or hire movers or try to hammer out the logistics of it while trying to adjust to a new workload.  I don't have to worry about finding a new church, or new doctors, or making new friends, or find a daycare for my daughter in a strange new place.

Of course, they could still decide to transfer us and if so, well, then I'll just suck it up and figure it out!  And we're still playing the waiting game.

Michael found out that his Borders will be open for about another week.  We knew that it was majorly optimistic to hope for it to stay open into April, and there is the possibility that while the storefront may close, he may still be working for a couple of weeks after that to pack everything up, sell the last of the fixtures, and shut it all down.  It sucks, but at least it's a little bit more finite information.  Since we will most likely be staying here in Austin, it means that Michael can be looking for a more permanent position in the meantime.

Everything is still in limbo, but I feel resolution coming and I can taste it on the tip of my tongue.  It's proof to me that the Big Man is listening.  I've been praying for patience and for something, anything to come in the way of relief.  While it's nothing with a huge fanfare, it's enough to calm my soul and keep me at peace.

Whatever happens, happens!

Kelly

Waiting

It's been a roller coaster around here lately.  Our life seems to be composed of nothing but waiting.
Waiting to see if I get promoted to PM and if we'll be relocated to Atlanta.  Waiting for Borders to close and see what job prospects Michael has.  Waiting for upcoming events and parties to occur.  Waiting for old wounds to heal.


We're stuck in limbo and it's driving me crazy.  I've been praying for patience, but I'm failing miserably at it.  I'm sure there's a lesson somewhere in all of this about enjoying each step of the journey blah blah blah. 

Meanwhile, back in reality, I'm trying to keep myself occupied by writing, spring cleaning the house, reading, and being social with people.  I've really enjoyed visiting with friends and family lately, something that we hadn't been able to do for a couple of months since the liquidators at Borders kept scheduling Michael for closing shifts.

Currently, I'm on a mission to declutter the apartment.  It feels heavy in here most days, and I think it's because of the crap we have.  We haven't really deep-cleaned in some time and we've been accumulating more stuff: the rest of Michael's things from when we were separated, books bought on clearance at Borders, toys and clothes from Christmas and Billa's birthday, and more.  I can't function and focus in clutter.  I think getting rid of a lot of things will help us to calm down, relax, and maybe allow some positivity and good energy into our lives. 

The process is made harder not by getting rid of things, but because we find things that cause old hurts to bite all over again.  We weren't very organized during our separation, so it's hard to know what you'll find in a box or a bag.  I wish we could just chunk it all into the trash, but we have to gather receipts and other important papers for our taxes.  Part of me wonders if it's more worthwhile to take the financial hit than the emotional one.  Would ignorance be bliss right now?

Despite the difficulty and frustration we're experiencing, it's given us an opportunity to see firsthand just how much we've changed and what else we need to work on.  We've come a long way, but there is still a long way to travel and it's hard to place faith in the process sometimes.  Perhaps that's the lesson in all of this: learning how to trust openly–ourselves, each other, and God.  I hope that I can move closer to that goal; I think my life would be much better for it. 

I pray that we'll get answers soon.  I know God will provide for us just as he always has.  In the meantime, it's yet another waiting game. 

Cheers,
kelly

Farewell, Borders...

‘Tis a sad day in the Guerra household. 

Borders was plastered on the front of the Wall Street Journal with news of their bankruptcy filing this morning. In a bid to make themselves profitable again, they will be closing 200 of its stores including the entire Austin market.  Michael only started working for them back in early October but it doesn’t make this sting any less.  I’m heartbroken for him as he and the rest of his coworkers will now be searching for new jobs.  Borders was good to Michael, no doubt about it.  Having finally broken free of a string of awful jobs, Borders was like heaven to him.  His coworkers were awesome, the clientele was bearable, and Michael really thrived selling a product he loved.  I can’t complain either, since they were very understanding of his role as a husband and father and were flexible with him when it was needed.  Being able to buy books at a discount wasn’t half bad either! 

Borders’s financial woes are also saddening, not just for the immediate unemployment status my husband is facing, but also because it means the book industry is changing yet again.  As an aspiring writer, I’ve been watching the market and seeing how everything is going to digital everywhere.  Borders lost out on the market because they resisted this change.  They kept trying to prove that brick and mortar stores were the way to go, that eBooks were a fad, and that Borders would be a cornerstone of the publishing world forever.  But they were wrong.  eBooks gained popularity and they ultimately lost out to Amazon, iTunes, and Barnes and Noble.  Their Kobo eReader was too little, too late and now hundreds will find themselves without a job in the coming months.

There is something to be said for holding a real book in your hands.  I love the sensation of paper beneath my fingers and the sound of the bindings cracking and the pages rustling.  I love the musty smell that tickles your nose as you dive deeper into the story.  You lose out on that sensory experience with eBooks.  I know that I’m probably one of very few who seems bothered by this, but I feel like the loss of real books is like losing part of your soul.  Technology is continually numbing us to our own existence, allowing us to hide behind computer terminals and never interact with one another.   

When we experienced voluntary blackouts in Austin a couple of weeks ago due to inclement weather, I got a taste of what life would be like without technology.  I couldn’t power up my Mac to read the news.  I couldn’t flip on my TV or radio.  We had no heat, save for the fireplace which was miraculously working.  I couldn’t make coffee or cook anything.  If we’d had our water operating on an electric well system like my parents do, I wouldn’t have been able to get water!  There we were, huddled next to the fireplace under blankets reading books to pass the time until the power came back on.  I felt so frustrated by the inability to plug in and find out what was going on.  Batteries and electricity won’t last forever and technology is continually out-evolving itself.  Kinda makes you wonder who will have the last laugh...

But I digress.  The imminent closing of Borders is a huge loss for Austin, especially those of us who depended on it for income.  I’m sure that the Big Man Upstairs has something bigger and better planned for Michael; it will simply be a matter of time until we see what that is!  Until then, we’re hoping they close the store later rather than sooner.  If you have any ideas or leads for Michael, please let us know!  

One last thing...if you go to any of the liquidation sales, please remember to be nice and sympathetic to the employees you encounter there.  It's not easy to put on a smile when you're facing unemployment!

Here's hoping,

Kelly

Plagued by Pestilence

The plague has hit our house!

Michael asleep on the couch.  Snack doesn't look too thrilled with me.

I think it might be the flu and if that's the case, I'm going to be mighty PO'd if I get it too!  I already missed three days of work a couple of weeks ago due to a sinus infection/cold thing and I really can't afford to miss anymore.   Whatever this is, Michael got it first and ended up missing up work yesterday as a result (well, that and minor car accident thanks to the icy and snowy roads--he's ok BTW, just a little sore) and he's missing out again today.

Poor kid! She passed almost before her head hit the pillow.

Now poor Billa's got it!  She had a little fever last night and her constant coughing kept me awake, but by mid-morning she was her usual spunky and energetic self, so we went for our usual Target run and foodstore trip, albeit a bit shorter than normal...I didn't want her to tax herself!  By the time we got home, Billa was cranky, shivering, and her temp was starting to spike up again.  Argh!

I really hope that this thing leaves our house soon and I hope all of you are taking precautions this winter season to stay warm and stay healthy!

Kelly

Shadows and Smoke

I've been reflecting lately on how truly blessed I am.

Five months ago, I thought I'd never be able to pick myself up off the floor.  I hated being out in public for fear that everyone could see just how truly flawed I was.  My husband didn't want me, so surely there was something wrong with me, I thought.  I hated seeing other women wearing their wedding bands.  I hated it especially if they were moms, out with their husbands and children.  I felt like I had a blinking light hanging over my head with the word "FAILURE" that everyone could see and judge me for it.  And yet as much as I hated being out in public, I hated being at home even more, surrounded by memories of everything that my life had once been.  I felt so alienated from my friends; in fact many of them stopped talking to me.  I began to see who was rock solid and who was fair weather.  Some of them just didn't know what to say.  I was miserable and alone.

My life was over as I knew it.

I started to attend a new church and joined a Life Recovery class there and I signed up for DivorceCare, a support group for divorced and separated people.  With the help of these new friends and love from one of the most unlikeliest of places, I began to stir to life again.  I hated church growing up as a kid, and yet I found myself wanting to go back each week to listen and be surrounded by others who felt just as broken as I was.  I felt safe.  I felt like I could finally be me.  I finally felt like I deserved to be loved by myself, God, and other people.  I felt like I had a home in this church.

But still I felt like my life was over.


I mourned for the loss of my best friend, for the failure my marriage was, and for the dreams we'd shared.  I mourned the fact that Sybilla would be an only child, I mourned for the future that was now shadows and smoke.  I wondered what to do with my wedding dress and all the wedding memorabilia.  I have to laugh at how silly that sounds; I was so genuinely worried about what would happen to my damn wedding dress that it kept me up at night!

Slowly, the spark in my heart flared to life and a fire began to grow.

I cried all the tears I had.  I screamed all the obscenities I knew.  I poured out my frustration, loneliness, and brokenness onto reams of paper.  I sang every song I knew, letting music do the talking for my hurting soul.  Every morning and night, I looked myself in the eye in the mirror, telling myself it would be ok, only occasionally believing it.  I leaned heavily on friends as much they let me.  I prayed every night and morning and rejoiced in completing the simplest of tasks.

"I'm still alive," I told myself fiercely.  "I'm still here, and I'm still alive."

After five months of personal and couples counseling, turning the lens onto myself, gaining perspective, and learning to accept my faith and love myself for what they are, I have climbed beyond the treeline and am able to see the vista around me.  I am nowhere near the top of the mountain, but I can see it without the trees obscuring my view.

I heard a piano song last night that resonated with everything I'd been feeling.  It made me wistful and hopeful all in one.  The song was called "Shadows of Someone I'll Never Be."  I understand now that the shadows of the people we will never be are not always good ones.  Sometimes it's good to acknowledge the bad shadows of one's self and to let them go.  I mourned for my future as we once imagined it.  But now Michael and I are imagining a new one, one that's more loving and kind.  I mourned our relationship, but now I revel in what we are building anew.  I am grateful for this chance at starting over, and grateful for the lessons I have learned.  Even if Michael and I were not reconciling, I'd still feel blessed.

My life as I knew it WAS over.  But where one life ended, another came to take it's place, one that I look forward to living. 

It's a good life!

Kelly

Ramblings on Writing

I apologize in advance...this post takes a different tack than normal. 

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my writing lately.  If Billa's godmother Debi were to read this, she'd tell me I need to actually write, not think about it.  But the truth is, I was writing.  And then I stopped because life got in the way and yada yada yada.  I've been trying to maintain my blogs, work my day job, raise my daughter, manage my household, build a baking business, and be a good wife/friend/daughter/sister, etc.  It's a lot.  So of course, those things that aren't necessary for survival have fallen by the wayside, like my writing.  I admit, I've also been doing a lot of reading lately and playing Scramble on my iPod and trying to beat Final Fantasy XIII.  I know, those things aren't exactly essential to survival, but they are for my sanity.

I've been thinking about writing lately, because I want it to become a bigger part of my life.  It's always been something that I've been called to, something that has always given me joy, and something that definitely always challenged me.  I get bored very quickly if I'm not challenged.  I require constant stimulation and to be pushed beyond my boundaries.  Some might call it masochism, others ADD.  I don't really care.  It's actually a part of me that I really like and love to embrace, for all of the irritations it presents me with.  I look at it as my instincts urging me to grab life by the horns. 

There are only 24 hours in every day, and unfortunately, I can't get more.  I have to get sleep at some point, and I have to work to make an income.  So that shoots down about 19 hours right there.  Everything that I want to do has to be squeezed into roughly 5 hours every day along with everything else I have to do: cook dinner, spend time with my family and friends, clean the house, etc.  So how can I fit in writing?  I find a lot of frustrations with it because I am easily distracted once I'm on the computer either by news, blogs, the husband, or the daughter.  And of course my family wants to spend time with me too.  (I know, how dare they?)  I have to carefully balance all these aspects of my life and poor little writing gets left by the wayside.

But not anymore.  I've always wanted to be a published writer.  I even went so far as to humiliate myself in front of my high school classmates in freshman English by boasting about how I would become a published writer at the age of 18 (oh, the things one does for their art!).  I've been writing since I was a kid, I wrote all through school, and I have continued to write to this day.  I feel confident that I am a decent writer, but I think I could be a great writer if I kept at it every day.  And the only way I can do that is to keep at it and make it a constant part of my life. 

I've been doing research the last few days on novel writing strategies and templates for developing plots and characters and structure.  And the one thing I've learned from all of this research is that there is a whole world to writing and publishing that I never knew existed.  Well, ok, I should give myself some credit.  I knew it existed, but I didn't realize how complex it all was.  There's query letters and writing conferences and genre types that you have to know.  There's loglines, synopses, samples, previews and more.  And the process itself!  It's enough to make your head spin.  I came to the realization that I have a lot to learn if I want to break into this industry and make my mark on the world as a writer.

I relish the challenge and I hope you will all bear with me as I work at developing my novels (yes, there is more than one rattling around in my head!) and hopefully soemday, get published.  I'm hoping to have at least something published by the time I'm 35.  Considering I still have 7 years until then, I think I handle it.

Cheers,
Kelly

Random Thoughts...

It was a bit of a rough day, and I just need to veg.

Poor Billa had some pretty awful diarrhea this weekend (ok, actually since Thursday night) so we had to keep her home one more day just to make sure she was getting better.  Funny thing is, she didn't seem fazed by it at all.  She had no other symptoms, just some several blowout diapers and lots of dirty laundry.  Oh, and a few "differences of opinion" (read: temper tantrums) because she couldn't have milk products all weekend...

This picture has nothing to do with "digestive issues," but I think it's hilarious.  Sybilla insisted on tromping trough the house in her boots about five minutes before bedtime, unbeknownst to me.  I walked into the kitchen to find her like this and couldn't stop laughing for several minutes.  She marches to the beat of her own drummer, that's for sure!

I enjoyed myself immensely at the cake show this weekend, although I'd be lying if I said I wasn't the least bit disappointed that my cake didn't place.  I worked really hard on my design and took Friday off to complete it, so I was a little peeved that I didn't place at least 3rd.  Oh well.  The highlights were seeing my college buddy and "Twinkie" Brianna, meeting Mike McCarey, and seeing all the awesome cakes.  I now need to master making modelling chocolate...

My cake!  I did a green man/dryad/wine inspired design.

Me and Mike McCarey. You would most likely know him from the times he has won the Food Network Challenge! I also met Lauren Kitchens (another FN Challenger) and she was super cool too!

As Billa gets older and more precocious, I find myself wishing I was a stay at home mom.  I know, the workaholic suddenly having doubts.  It's not like I could just quit my job and do it (I can't, at least not now) so it's a moot point anyway.  But I do sometimes find myself wishing I could.  I think I feel a sound off coming...

Writing has been on my brain a lot lately too.  I would love to take on some free lance work, but I have no portfolio to show off.  I need to work on my writing for the blog to make it more interesting, as well as actually sit down and write out the ideas I have bouncing around inside my head.  Must...practice...note taking...

I've been feeling really anxious and stressed out lately.  I've had a lot going on in terms of baking, work, family and friends.  I haven't been sleeping too well despite going to bed early (the last two nights I was in bed at 9:30, asleep by 10) and Billa actually sleeping through the night.  Work in particular has had me stressed...I have a lot going on there and trying to balance it all during this transition phase is making me wonder if it was really all worth it to speak up and take on more responsibility...

Time for spring cleaning!  I read about this awesome idea called 40 Bags in 40 days from one of my favorite bloggers, in which you try and fill one bag/box per day of Lent.  It's a way to clean out your life with some spiritual ties.  I'm not a religious zealot, but I love the appeal of lightening my load and getting rid of some stuff, and if it makes my heart feel happier, then great!  Most of it will most likely make it's appearance in a garage sale once spring really gets underway.  We're going to have a multifamily garage sale with Kellie and Anthony and their neighbors since we don't actually have a yard or garage to sell from.  Hmm...maybe that money can go towards a 5th anniversary vacation fund?

Well, that's all I have energy to share.  That's not even the tip of the iceberg of stuff inside my head right now, either!

Happy Monday,
Kelly

Vision Check

Do you see what I see?

No?  How about now?  Can you see it now?

Still no?  Then this should do the trick:

That, my friends, is the promise of something sweet (and tangy)...homemade lemon ice box pie, lemon sorbet, lemonade, and lemon iced tea.  Spring is on it's way!

Snow?

My good friend and coworker Beth is working from "home" today..."home" being Dallas at her parent's house. I am incredibly jealous because this is probably the third such occasion is which she has worked from Dallas and they have had some significant snowfall. Remember a couple of months ago when I was uber excited because Austin was going to get snow? We got nothing more than a couple of flurries. It made my camera lense look dusty and our heads appeared to have some serious dandruff issues for all of 2 seconds before it melted away. [sigh] I don't care if global warming is a farce; I want some frickin' snow and I want it now! I want winter! REAL winter. The kind that requires me to actually go out and purchase a heavy winter coat and maybe a snowsuit or even snowshoes! I get to wear my vast collection of scarves two, maybe three months out of the year if I'm lucky. And can I please please please have a white Christmas for once, too?! Seriously, y'all. I wear a VEST in the wintertime, over a long sleeved tissue weight tee. Most days the temps don't get below 50F which is downright balmy to all my Northern friends. Up until a couple of years ago, I was wearing flip flops 11 months out of the year (age has a funny way of causing one's extremities to become less tolerant of a dip in temperature--even if that dip is only 5 degrees!)



[sigh]


Someday we will actually move some place where it gets snow. Even if it's only one year. But I gotta have a snowy winter someday!


Melted,
Kelly

Worst Week Ever or Thank God it's Friday!

Poor Billa.  Someone needs to tell VH1 that we have a candidate for the Worst Week Ever!

Sybilla has been ill since Monday night and Thursday was the worst of it.  Yeah, three days later and it was worse.  She'd been feeling generally yucky on Monday night and most of Tuesday.  No big deal, I thought.  I'll just work from home on Tuesday, and she'll go back to school on Wednesday.  Wednesday morning dawned cloudy and overcast with a high of 101F.  Outside it was in the 50's and 60's.  Home again it was!  She had woken up almost every hour the night before, so Mama and Daddy were feeling a little rough around the edges themselves as well.  By the end of the day, Billa was still feeling pretty awful and that was when we hit the 101F.

Thursday was the worst by far.  Her fever spiked despite having multiple rounds of Motrin and I finally decided to give the doctor's office a call and see if I should even bother coming in or if this was something that could be treated at home.  When I told the nurse how long she'd been sick and what her temp was and that the fever had still not gone away even with the Motrin, the response was "come in, please!"  So I logged off from work for the day and headed in to the dr's office.  We were there for over an hour since Billa's fever spiked to 103.3 while at the office and they wanted to see if Tylenol would bring it down.  It did, thankfully, so no ER visit for us!

Here we are at the dr's office.  Sybilla fell asleep in my lap several times, this being one of them.  Makes my heart hurt!

Turns out Billa has RSV AND an ear infection.  She was tested for flu as well, but that came back negative thankfully.  She's been hurting so much, poor kid, that she's practically slept in my arms during the day and hasn't really slept anywhere else, except maybe the couch.  Disney should pay me as Billa has watched thirteen movies in the last three days.  I am NOT making up that number...you want me to list them to prove it?  Lion King 1 1/2, Up (twice), Curious George, Horton Hears a Who, Ratatouille, Emperor's New Groove, Happy Feet, Kung Fu Panda, Sleeping Beauty, Finding Nemo (twice), Elmo in Grouchland, and last but not least, Hercules.  OK, so technically 12 titles in all with 14 different viewings, so my average of 13 is not off.  This does not include the amount of time Nick Jr has been on either.  Ay, ay, ay.  I swear she doesn't watch nearly that much boob tube on a regular basis.  This was the only thing that kept her distracted from the pain and doggone it, I was going to do what I had to!

We now have an antibiotic for the ear infection and since daycare is closed on Monday due to MLK day, Billa won't see her friends until Tuesday which is a big bummer.  She always feels better around her friends!  I am really hoping she feels better soon, not because I have things I need to do (like work), but because it is killing us to see her hurt so much.  Now that she's talking, it literally breaks my heart to hear her cry and whimper, "Mama, hurt!  Eyes hurt!  Nose hurt!  Head hurt!"  I'm getting all teary eyed just writing that.  Excuse me a minute...ok, I'm good now.

So here's to hoping our munchkin feels better soon...and that WE don't get sick as a result.

Thank goodness it's Friday because I really need the weekend!

Cheers,
Kelly

Out of the Frying Pan...

I love cookware.  And I love cookware that is resilient, tough, hardworking, and classic.  Like Revereware.  These copper bottomed pots and pans have been around for awhile and when I went off to college, my mom and dad sent me with some of their pieces.  Pieces they'd gotten when they were married.  Yes, classic Revereware was well made and it has lasted.  Until now.

Sadly, I ruined my Revereware skillet a while back after cooking bacon in it when it was WAY too hot.  As you can see, it's done ruint:

I tried everything to get the schmutz off, to no avail.  But try as I might, I just couldn't part with it.  Maybe I'll find SOMETHING that will take this junk off, I thought, and my baby will be good as new!  Nothing worked and so it sat in the back of the cupboard, unloved and unused.

Fast forward a few months later when Michael and I finally opened the box of non-stick cookware his Mom and her boyfriend Carl had given us for Christmas last year.  Suddenly I had three new skillets in addition to the 12" heavy duty copper bottomed  one we received as a wedding present.  And that was the moment when I knew I needed to get rid of the old Revereware.  Just as I finally mustered up the courage and tossed it in the box of trash and new cookware wrappings, my husband lamented over it's fate.  "Yes, honey," I said through gritted teeth.  "It IS a shame.  But I don't know what else to do with it."  He shrugged, picked up a new skillet and made a joke about what a clean slate we were starting with and the light bulb went off.  Wait a minute?  Clean slate!?  AHA!

So here's what I did with my old Revereware skillet:

I painted the inside with chalkboard paint and it became a menu board for the kitchen!  Now I'm happy and my beloved skillet has a new life.  Recycling at it's finest...

Chalkily yours,
Kelly

I DID IT!!!

I wrote a novel in thirty days!  50,000 words, many tears, sleepless nights, nightmares, a lot of distractions and a long illness later, I am an official NaNoWriMo winner!!!  I can't even begin to describe how great it feels to say that out loud.  I think I'm going to cry and laugh and dance all at the same time.  And then I'm going to go run some errands, pick up my husband and child, and have a celebratory dinner of Thanksgiving leftovers.

I wrote a novel, I wrote a novel, I wrote a novel!  Yay me!  I did it and I am still in shock that I managed to come back at the 11th hour and finish it up.  I almost thought I wouldn't make it.  I am torn as to whether or not I'll let anyone read it before I decide to take a hack and edit it up some.   One thing is for sure, though: I don't want to look at that thing for at least a week!

Time to kick back and just enjoy my evenings again.  And then, maybe I'll start to form another novel, lol.

Thanks for all the encouragement and kind words from everyone and for following along on this wild wacky torturous journey I decided to embark on.  I can't wait to see what happens next!

Cheers,
Kelly

Time for Some Change

Michael and I had a heart to heart the other night and I came to the conclusion that I have not been doing enough for myself lately.  I've been giving of myself too much and lately I've felt burnt out, tired, uninspired, and just plain ugly.  Well, that's all gonna change!  Since I've been feeling a bit frumpy lately, I decided a boost in some confidence and self esteem was needed--time to get pretty! My first task in my list of items to change was a haircut!

Here's me before:

I know, I know.  You're thinking this isn't really a great before picture, Kelly; we can't see your long hair.  EXACTLY!  My hair is so ridiculously thick that when I grow it out, the only thing I can do (and have time to do) is throw it up in a ponytail or bun.  Not very exciting.  I'd been growing it out mostly at Michael's request and while I would love to keep it long and show off the luxurious shade of red I call my own, Texas is just not a conducive climate to thick, long hair.  It's just too darn hot 11 months out of the year!  You CAN see how long my bangs are in this pic...which kinda makes them not bangs anymore, knowwhatImean?

And now the reveal:

Ta da!  I got a cute angled bob and the gal thinned out some of the thick hair underneath so it lays down better and isn't nearly as hot (or poofy...God bless that girl!).  I realize that may grow out funny as a result, but right now, I don't care.  I look damn good!

Although, there is one bad thing about my new hairdo:

Yeah, check out that awesome cowlick in the back!  It was just soooo awesome I had to take pictures of it to show it to you.  I never knew I had it because well, who ever really looks at the back of their head?  And my hair is so thick and heavy (seriously, I'm not feeling any pain in my neck or back right now...what does THAT tell you?) that the sheer weight of it was pulling it somewhat straight and making it less noticeable.  So, I won't be going au naturel as often.  But that's a good thing.  Because the point of this whole exercise is to take care of myself, so now I'm forced to take time and make myself pretty each day (not that I'm NOT pretty already, but taking a few minutes to look put together goes a long way to helping boost my confidence).

Cowlicks aside though, I am VERY pleased with my new 'do and I am loving how I feel with it.  And it is so easy to maintain and fix!  Just spritz a little thermal spray and flat iron that puppy in about 2 minutes (as opposed to 2 hours) and voila!  Instant Hot Mama!

Now I need to find some other ways to add a little change in my life and make more time for me...any ideas?  I'm thinking I need a regular girl's night outing or tap dancing classes (Christmas gift hint, ahem). 

Here's to change!
Kelly

Weekend Recap

Today I decided that I would switch from coffee to black tea since it had been upsetting my stomach lately. I bought a box of Celestial Seasoning's Nutcracker Sweet which is a delightful black tea blend with vanilla and cinnamon. I was doing pretty good until about 10 am when my head started to ache a bit. I got up and fixed myself a snack and that seemed to help. But alas, an hour later when I went to run errands during lunch, I felt like I was having a migraine. Of course, it didn't help that I happened to see an article in the Statesman about how Harvard Medical School just released info on how coffee is NOT bad for you. Argh!

In other news, yesterday marked a huge milestone for us. It was the first time that Michael and I had to purchase a "I'm sorry my kid broke this let me pay for it" item. Hopefully this will also be the last time we have to do that, but I know that's very optimistic thinking and all the experienced parents of small children out there are laughing their butts off at me. I partly blame Michael for this, because it never would have happened if he'd just let me go to the craft store by myself and stayed home with Sybilla instead. But nooooo, he didn't want to be stuck at home on a rainy day with her, so off we went. Fortunately, the item in question was a $7 resin snowman figurine from Michael's, but still. That $7 could have gone towards two gallons of milk, or 4# of butter from Costco, or as my friend John pointed out, a bag of Starbucks coffee from the grocery store. Grrrr!

And lastly, Michael and I have given in to the dark side and bought a fake Christmas tree this weekend. There were some really killer sales this past week and the more we talked it over, we decided that right now, aa fake tree fit our lifestyle a lot better than trying to deal with a real one. We both grew up with real trees and we love them dearly, but couple that with a toddler and a very full holiday schedule and it just wasn't worth it. Not to mention that neither of us really likes to string lights on a tree! In a few years when Sybilla is older, we'll make it into a tradition where we take a day to go to a local Chrsitmas tree farm and pick one out, cut it down ourselves and then spend the rest of the day decorating, singing songs, and lounging by the fireside. In fact, I wish we were doing that right now. [sigh]
So that's what's happening with us right now!
Cheers,
kelly